You may be wondering about the title. The name came about in two waves. To be honest, “existential” first came to me when I was creating my Twitter account back in high school when I tagged myself “in the midst of an existential crisis.” I don’t remember whether it was meant to be a joke or a temporary placeholder in my profile info, but it stuck. “Academic” came about in college when I decided to pursue a degree in history and a career in academia. Thus, “The Existential Academic” was born, coming to life in the midst of an all-nighter fueled by coffee and regret.
“I was within and without.”- F.Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
So why start this blog and why name it after a self-deprecating joke? Because of Nick Caraway.
One of my favorite quotes is from The Great Gatsby, in which Nick Caraway narrates: “I was within and without.” The phrase kept resurfacing in my mind as I went through my undergraduate experience as an afterthought, a look back on my high school literature classes. It became a full-blown bi-line as I entered graduate school, morphing into a self-deprecating joke, a private and bitter inner-commentary between my past and my future. It existed as doubt and anxiety shrouded by drive and ambition. It became my within and without, my have and my have not.
But now it is none of those things.
I never liked blogging or diary keeping, try as I did to commit to the routine. But I do love writing, writing about what I think and what I know, and whatever else comes to mind. “The Existential Academic” now stands for how I, as a scholar in the middle of a crossroad, choose to engage whatever life throws at me. This blog won’t give you life advice, nor will it show you the best ways to nail that perfect cat eye look (or whatever blogs do these days), but I hope it becomes a talking point, that it is something worth sharing or reading.
It might not be the noblest of endeavors, but it’s an endeavor none the less.
So I hope you enjoy the blog, with it’s pointed honesty and comedic attempts. I hope it makes you laugh and makes you think. I hope it teaches you something that you never heard of and gives a new perspective to something you already knew.
As for me, I’ll be here, an academic in the midst of an existential crisis. For good reason.
Best,
The Existential Academic
The Existential Academic: A Blog by Theresa McMackin 